Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
