Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
