so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
