On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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