Pappa wants mamma naked
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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