Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
