so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
