I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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