I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
