he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
