You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
