Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
MIDGETS
????
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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