I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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