I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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