looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
