party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
