wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
