Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
