Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
