I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
