Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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