I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
