Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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