i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.