I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird