hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.