Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
