so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
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I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
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I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know