We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type