I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
