haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
