I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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