But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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