I faked an abortion last night.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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