That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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