Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize