he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
