idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
