The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
