Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
