So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
