Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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