Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize