I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
