I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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