so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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