Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
