Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
