lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
