woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
