It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
