I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
