You just made me feel so damn special
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize