Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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