i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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