I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
