All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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