covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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