who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
