Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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