she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
