One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
