whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
