didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
