and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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