you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
