Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
