bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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