he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sobbing to NWA
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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