Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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