hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
