thus making me awesome and them whores
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
