Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
